My name is Jody and I can call myself a survivor because I came out of
an abusive relationship that lasted 11 years. I got married when I was
18 years old to a man I thought I knew. Three months into the marriage
I realized that I wasn’t in control of my life anymore. Each time I
asked a question his temper would automatically change to an abusive
personality and defensive behavior. I started to learn that I couldn’t
ask questions of any kind because he would get defensive,
authoritative, and most often physical. In December of 1999, following
a fight with my husband, I tried to commit suicide because I though
that without my husband I wouldn’t be able to survive with my kids
and/or myself.
My life was under control of my husband; he would tell me how
to dress and how to speak with other people. I couldn’t have friends
because they were bad influences to my life, probably because they were
there to help after I got beat up. I realized that I needed some help
and went to look for it.
My first incident happened when I asked him a question, but I
think he was hiding the truth and not willing to tell me. He slapped me
and threw me on the bed that night and I decided to leave the house. I
walked over to the bus station and from a public phone I called my
parents and asked my Dad to please pick me up. During the drive home I
told my Dad what happened. My Dad said he was going to talk to my
husband, because what had happened wasn’t right.
I got pregnant and lost my first child because of my husband.
He slapped me, claimed the baby wasn’t his and punched me in the
stomach. Because of my health condition I couldn’t get any birth
control and he was a “macho man” and refused to use condoms. It was his
opinion that the job of preventing pregnancy is the woman’s
responsibility.
I got pregnant again and had my first daughter. I was happy
for a while but then we began fighting and arguing. My husband would
yell at me and tell me I was fat, ugly and a bad mother. It came into
my mind that these were true and I couldn’t do anything about it. My
self-esteem was beginning to go low.
One night my oldest daughter told me, “I love you but please
don’t hit me. You are acting like Daddy and I’m afraid of him when he
gets upset or mad”. I realized I was making a mistake by treating my
daughter just like he was treating me. I started to cry and said, “I’m
sorry; I didn’t mean to make you suffer”. I knew I needed parenting
classes.
For that reason, I looked for help and went to Gateway for
counseling. There I found out just how low my self-esteem was, I can’t
believe it now. My husband would control me so much that if I got home
five minutes late, I was in trouble. I would have to tell him where I
was and what I was doing out by myself. Every person from his family
constantly told me that it was my fault and that was the end of it.
The first time I went to Gateway my husband told me there was
no place that would offer counseling at night and that I was instead
going to my lover’s. Then he told me to ask if they could switch their
days and times just for him not to have to baby-sit the kids.
In April 2001, I got a job to improve myself at LARASA. That’s when the
plans of getting separated began, but the cycle of violence continued.
I got pregnant with my last girl, but my pregnancy was so difficult
that I had to quit working and was put on bed rest for the following
seven months. Being at home was too hard because I would get blamed for
everything, such as there was no money, not enough food, and other
stuff. His excuse was he needed to go work overtime or go the gym
because he was getting fat and other such excuses.
In December I had a car accident and at the time I was
pregnant. Because of the accident I went into labor and worried about
my kids because they were all at different places. I called my friend
Becky and she gathered the kids and called my husband to pick them up
at her house. His response to Becky was, “It’s not my fault, Jody
should get out of the hospital and take care of them.”
That same night I called him to ask if he’d picked up the
kids. His answer to me was “If it wasn’t enough to give child support,
now he has to baby-sit too.” The doctor told me to call the father of
my child because things had become difficult and he was needed to make
decisions for me. I called him and his answer again was, “Isn’t it
enough I’m taking care of your kids”. That’s when I realized that I was
alone with my kids and I needed to have the baby soon so that I could
get home to take care of the other kids at home.
I finally got a divorce and began doing what a woman should do
to fight for herself and her kids. My self-esteem began getting higher
and I started selling Avon to support us. My kids didn’t know what was
going on with their Daddy so their attitudes and behaviors started to
change. I went to parenting classes for 12 weeks, got a job as an
interpreter at University Hospital and went to school at night. I then
went to an all-day school, graduated and now I have a great job at
Children’s Hospital.
I went to counseling through rain, snow and storms. Sometimes
right after a therapy session I would have to take my baby to the
emergency room because he was having an asthma attack. I believe there
is no excuse not to go to Gateway and missing a day meant I would lose
an important lesson. Everything there was to help me and I didn’t want
to lose what has made me a stronger and more beautiful person.
My kids now understand that it is better to be safe and loved then
being hurt and not loved. Today I can make my own decisions. My
self-esteem, self-worth and self-confidence have improved and I have
become more assertive. Now when I look back, I can proudly say that I
survived.
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Last Updated ( Monday, April 23 2007 )
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Survivor Stories 
